A few thoughts

A while since I added to this thing....I don't know what 31 was about but thats not the number ;)

The weather has turned to crap, I well and truly hate winter, actually thats not true. On Desperate Housewives last...hate means that you still care...so I am indifferent to it. I think it actually relates more to people than the seasons though. I only have two people in my life that I am indfifferent to. One was recently my Mums nurse, and apparently she passed on a hello to me via Mum. I didn't care...the hate had gone, I was indifferent! The other is someone we have nicknamed poison, perhaps there is a little hate still there, but thats more because she keeps turning up like a bad smell....anyway I digress.

Rate my teacher....what the hell. I appear on it! I thought that I would have escaped it since I had recently changed schools, but no. Three ratings so far, no comments. One good, one ok and one bad. I mentioned it in class today to my Year 10's and a kid goes "Yeah Miss, I added you." He was the nice one. He seemed a bit gutted that I didnt want to be on there. The whole concept is weird...I dont see a rate my student.com, that would be good. However I guess thats what reports are for. But what other profession does one get rated on the Internet? Rate my doctor, my dentist, my accountant, my gardner, my nanny etc....The thing is that while I hate the site (see I still care) I can't help but check it to see if there are any comments about me or my friends.

For those who dont know, I have depression/bipolar disorder. Generally most friends know, and it actually has taught me a lot about the qualities of a good friend. When I found out, I think I was harder on myself than my friends were. Very few treated me differently, and those that did I no longer work with. It seemed anytime I was upset, or grumpy, I was having a biploar moment. Truth is I was actually upset or pissed off. Bipolar generally just means going to mood extremes, and not being able to control them. I have come a long way since finding out, and I acutally think Im a better person now than before. I know myself better, can see when I go up or down, and can take the right course of action. And yes, I am on medication, but it gives me the chemicals which people without bipolar already have.
Now the highs are fun, really fun but exhausting. Its like you are live and electricity is suging through you and have no fear. They seem to come on in times of stress or lack of sleep. However with the highs, come the lows usually afterwards. Generally they are not so bad anymore, but at their worst came the worst sort of thoughts and actions. There are other symptoms including spending a lot of money and going hard or not at all. I once wrote what it was like for me as something to show people to get them to understand, however I am yet to show anyone this.
However most people cant tell. Now Im not nearly as moody. My brother said he could have told me I had it when we were teenagers :) I swear my flatmate hurricane
needs to work on her moods. She even knows she is moody, wouldnt you want to do something to help yourself. Guess thats the difference between her and me. She's away for the week, its great being home :)

Enough procrastinating, need to mark assessments.